People who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind….

Every time I feel I’ve grown up and can now handle relationships better…. life presents some new lessons to learn and some new observations for me to take note of! (in an absolutely new way)

Long time ago I read that, “You can not be successful in life, unless you contribute to the society through your work”. Man is a social being. Even during the stone age, when trading started, you could only get some thing, if you exchanged it for some thing else in return.

Let’s consider a hawker or a vendor —– he tries to sell things to earn a living and to get some financial profit —- however, he is also indirectly benefiting others in the process – by fulfilling their needs.

Now consider a vendor who gets up in the morning, opens his store and starts giving out everything for free.
Everyday he wakes up and does the same thing……He will soon go bankrupt.
And even then…. there is no guarantee that people will come back and help him. After all it was his own decision to give out things for free…

The vendor has to care for himself and his family to avoid getting bankrupt. He has to open his store, sell things at a profit, occasionally give out deals for free and earn a living…… In the process, he benefits others as well.

So, you can not benefit yourself without benefiting others AND you can not benefit others without benefiting yourself. It’s a two way relationship.

Now the question is…. whom do you serve for free and whom do you serve for a price or a purpose? 

If you have only one shirt that you want to give away …..and you have two friends who need that shirt, whom would you choose?
U will have to choose one no matter what.

Does that make you less worthy in the eyes of the other friend? Does that mean the other person will no longer remain your friend?

And what if the friend to whom you gave the shirt, actually betrays you. Did giving him the shirt really make him stay….in spite of all you did for him? —- NO

People who want to stay – WILL stay….no matter whether you do something for them or not.

People who don’t want to stay – WILL not stay….no matter what so ever you do for them.

Count your friends…your blessings…the people who really care for u…in spite of the fact that you don’t do a whole lot for them. They are just by your side always.

These people wouldn’t mind the annoying things you do and would stick by your side. (Even if you do nothing for them)

People who mind… especially when you are unable to give them something in return….are probably with you for a purpose. And as soon as the purpose will be over, they will be gone…..forever.

People who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.

Are you really valuing the people who matter and who are with you unconditionally?

Communication….! Let’s talk sense and only sense.

Communication – A crucial element for sharing information and expressing our feelings.

As I start this article, I don’t want it to get lost in the millions of communication related articles published on the web. I just want to get my ideas straight to you all.

When I communicate with someone, I hope for a connection, an understanding, a faith – some kind of benefit through information sharing. I hope that two people will grow intellectually or spiritually when they are communicating.

However, a lot of times, I have run into conversations that have no valuable purpose or meaning. In those weird conversations, all people try to do is impress each other or play power games.

When I was a kid, I used to impress my elders, teachers, fellow classmates. But, not anymore. It’s doesn’t matter as much. I am a more defined person now. All I know is, if someone is happy with the way I am, they will be happy anyway.

We have thousands of ways to communicate these days – email, phone, social networks and so on. But, how much valuable information do we really share? Are we trying to make sense through our words or just saying things to pass our time because we have nothing better to do.

I am a very straightforward person especially when it comes to work. I like to base my work decisions based on facts. Of course a lot of times, facts are not available and then the best judgement call needs to be taken.

I am amazed at how much time people spend just trying to win battles. If everything is based on facts, how can there be any room for doubt while communicating. Doubts arise when people do not share information or hide information intentionally. 

“Oh! I was planning to do it yesterday but I didn’t get to it.”
“I believe that is the right answer”
“I think we can do that but I am not 100% certain”

Replace the above sentences by:

“I did not complete it yet.”
“It seems like the right answer but I need more time/information to confirm”
“Let’s try that. Else, we can think of plan B”

We waste each other’s time by discussing vague scenarios, providing unclear answers, faking relationships, offering unwanted explanations, blaming things on each other and so on.

We are not perfect but we don’t need to be perfect. That’s not what was expected out of us when we were put on this earth.

We are fine just the way we are, as long as we say the truth. TRUTH – I wish this word had more value in today’s world. It’s getting lost amongst the new words, acronyms and definitions that today’s smart generation has created.

TRUTH hurts – but not as much as faking things or lying.

When I talk to someone, I feel I am taking away, some time from their life. Everyone has limited time. So, I have to either make the person feel better intellectually or spiritually. That’s my goal.

I don’t have to please them, but I have to empower them to please their own selves. For their own good.

I wish everyone in this world did something that made a difference – Wrote a book, discovered or invented something, left a mark in this world through his talent and skills. Everyone has some.

It all starts by communicating the right words at the right time for the right purpose. That’s the first skill a little baby learns. And when we die, it’s only our words and deeds that are remembered.

I hope I made some sense. 🙂

Rediscover Yourself….Every time you are lost…!

Every time you try to be someone you’re not…even if you enjoy it for sometime… later you’ll want to come back to your own self… ‘YOU’.

I don’t know if we all have a purpose to fulfill or we are here just to enjoy life… but there is one thing which is definitely true….

Every person is unique in some way! Even identical twins are not mentally alike!

Don’t you think, it is important to retain our identity throughout our life?
Do you think your principles are strong enough to not deter you?
Are you happy being yourself? If not, why?

If god was happy creating you the way you are and put you on this earth, just the way you are…. why aren’t you happy with what you are? Aren’t you in agreement with God?

We all waver and try different different paths of life…different ways of living…different personalities, different ideas…but imagine, if God were to discover you, wouldn’t he be able to?
He can probably easily identify you from a crowd… he can probably identify every individual on this earth. (At least it’s my belief!) 😉

What’s so special in you that God can identify you among millions of people? What is it that you have which others don’t? If you see yourself through the eyes of God (!!), you can identify yourself!

Make a list of what you like, what you do, what you are comfortable with, what gives you peace, what energizes you, what makes you smile, what makes you believe in God.
What do you like to do repeatedly to keep yourself content and in sync with god?

Again, make a list of things you do not like, which dampen your spirits, which take you far away from peace….and …don’t do those things! You don’t have to. You are not answerable to anyone except yourself.

Stick to your beliefs. Stick to being yourself. That’s the greatest possession you have throughout this journey!

You don’t have to ‘fit into’ this world or a particular society. You are an integral part of this world.

Keep rediscovering yourself, until you discover yourself completely and then polish that soul… that ‘You’ in you.

Do not get lost …Do not get influenced….Do not try to impress others… Do not be scared to fail…. If you fail by just ‘being yourself’, it’s fine…because at least you did not lose yourself in the process!

I am happy being myself because that’s what makes me comfortable! I am rediscovering myself to make my beliefs stronger.

There are too many illusions in life, the ‘make-believe’ things which make you feel good only for a few moments. And…then you later regret the moments when ‘you weren’t you’.

Find yourself, that’s the only possession we were born with and the only possession we have until we die.

How I said it… How you heard it! :)

When ever we say something, there is usually some emotion associated with it.
For example – our statements could be happy, sad, full of excitement, resentment or fear.
Our words could be mischievous, loving, harsh, rude, gentle, informative or blunt.
We could make a point directly or indirectly.

And at times, we may talk by remaining silent! 🙂

In order for our message to not get garbled or misunderstood, it is important for the other person to understand the emotion behind the dialogue also.

When we meet new people, we take time to understand their ways of talking, expressing, appreciating, denying or arguing. If we are able to build bridges and not walls, we become friends! However, if the message is interpreted in a wrong way, a lot of time and effort goes into correcting it.

The lower our ego levels are and the more accepting we are of any situation, the easier it is to understand other people.

Once, you understand what they are saying and why they are saying it – what is the motto behind the conversation – things become clearer.

Let’s take an example. There are two people who are very hardworking. They are working on the same project and want it to be successful. Every time they talk about a process improvement on the project, there can be agreement or discord. However, as long as the purpose is clear, they can reach a conclusion. They can brainstorm ideas and discuss the pros and cons.
Once the ego barrier is broken, the purpose is clear in the minds of all people and things move further.

Incomplete or Unending Conversations exist, when there is no conclusion and no radical decision can be reached ‘together’ by all counterparts.

There are hundreds of books written on communicating effectively. And, all of them have many things in common. If it’s important for a speaker to share his thought with the exact emotion, it is also the job of the listener to interpret it with the same exact emotion.

Communication is a two way street and if it’s purposeful, it can get a lot of work done magically!

There is a famous hindi quote by a very famous writer, Kabir: (English translation follows!)

ऐसी वाणी बोलिए, मन का आपा खोय |

औरन को शीतल करे, आपहु शीतल होय ||

Speak in words so sweet, that fill the heart with joy
Like a cool breeze in summer, for others and self to enjoy.

 

You may now think, “How I said it and how you heard it!” 🙂 .. Have fun! 😉