People who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind….

Every time I feel I’ve grown up and can now handle relationships better…. life presents some new lessons to learn and some new observations for me to take note of! (in an absolutely new way)

Long time ago I read that, “You can not be successful in life, unless you contribute to the society through your work”. Man is a social being. Even during the stone age, when trading started, you could only get some thing, if you exchanged it for some thing else in return.

Let’s consider a hawker or a vendor —– he tries to sell things to earn a living and to get some financial profit —- however, he is also indirectly benefiting others in the process – by fulfilling their needs.

Now consider a vendor who gets up in the morning, opens his store and starts giving out everything for free.
Everyday he wakes up and does the same thing……He will soon go bankrupt.
And even then…. there is no guarantee that people will come back and help him. After all it was his own decision to give out things for free…

The vendor has to care for himself and his family to avoid getting bankrupt. He has to open his store, sell things at a profit, occasionally give out deals for free and earn a living…… In the process, he benefits others as well.

So, you can not benefit yourself without benefiting others AND you can not benefit others without benefiting yourself. It’s a two way relationship.

Now the question is…. whom do you serve for free and whom do you serve for a price or a purpose? 

If you have only one shirt that you want to give away …..and you have two friends who need that shirt, whom would you choose?
U will have to choose one no matter what.

Does that make you less worthy in the eyes of the other friend? Does that mean the other person will no longer remain your friend?

And what if the friend to whom you gave the shirt, actually betrays you. Did giving him the shirt really make him stay….in spite of all you did for him? —- NO

People who want to stay – WILL stay….no matter whether you do something for them or not.

People who don’t want to stay – WILL not stay….no matter what so ever you do for them.

Count your friends…your blessings…the people who really care for u…in spite of the fact that you don’t do a whole lot for them. They are just by your side always.

These people wouldn’t mind the annoying things you do and would stick by your side. (Even if you do nothing for them)

People who mind… especially when you are unable to give them something in return….are probably with you for a purpose. And as soon as the purpose will be over, they will be gone…..forever.

People who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.

Are you really valuing the people who matter and who are with you unconditionally?

No rules in life.

 

 

Life changes so very quickly. It does not give us enough time to think and plan the next step. People leave….plans change….priorities change….

All the people whom I knew in school are only profile images to me on social channels now. I don’t know much about them. All the people whom I met in college have moved on in life to new professions, new spheres of learning, new phases of life. 

When I look back ….I wonder, what did I learn from all the people who shared some moments of life with me. What were the lessons life taught me when they were around?

Some people have large social circles and channels. I wonder if they ever spend time analyzing or imagining what purpose the other people played in their lives? Do they even have time to do that?

There are no rules in life. If you want to spend your entire life meditating, you can. If you want to spend your entire life dreaming, you can. If you want to spend your entire life socializing, you can. If you want to spend your entire life studying, you can.

It’s what you want to do and not what others want you to do. Many of us change our priorities based on what others expect from us and in the end, all those people don’t even matter to us. Only a handful matter in life.

I changed myself for a lot of people. I changed my rules for a lot of people…..people who don’t even matter anymore.

People who know what they are doing, why they are doing what they are doing and where are they heading are most successful. But again, there are no defined rules for success.

If you think being healthy is success, you can be healthy. If you think being rich is success, you can be rich. If you think having fun is success, you can have fun. If you think, being famous is success, you can be famous.

So, the conclusion – we have no rules to life and no rules to success. Are there any rules at all then?

If you want to be rude, you can be rude. If you want to be polite, you can be polite.

You define the rules, you follow the rules and you bear the consequences.

Do you define your own life rules? Do you think you need any rules at all?

The rules you define – Define you.

You define your life. Define your life today.

The noise in our lives…..

Today while coming back from work, I was thinking of all the noises we all have in our lives. When I reached home and prepared the evening tea, the thoughts still kept coming to my mind.

I almost felt like closing my ears. I felt better only when I went for a nice walk. The weather was really nice today.

I tried to define the noise in my life – and remembered all the people, things and actions that hold no relevance for me but I still pay attention to them sometimes. That’s right, I pay attention to noise! I think we all do to some extent.

Who said what? Why did he say that? What’s his/her intent? What is my friend’s friend doing on the weekend. Does this really matter?

Every technological development has a good side and a bad side. Social networking is one of them. It is a pretense that makes us feel we are more liked by others and we have a lot of friends. It also generates a whole lot of noise in our lives.

………..Think about the famous people who are no longer in this world – Michael Jackson, Mother Teresa and so on….why do we remember these people? We remember them because of their work – because of their contributions to this world, because of what they did, because of their focus, dedication, devotion……Not because of how many friends they had or how many followers they had or how many promotions they had or even how much money they had!!
We remember famous people because of their genuine contributions to this world – for many generations to come…..

The ratio of these people is very less. Most of us get stuck in the noises in our life and think that “That’s what life is”….

Well…nobody knows what exactly life is…..but Life is not forever.

We have a limited amount of time, to do something worthwhile, to make a difference, to spark someone’s inspiration, to be remembered and recognized by other people – To be valuable!

We don’t have forever. All we have is now.

It’s thus so very important to get rid of the noises, the people who don’t matter, the things that don’t matter and focus on what we are, who are are – without any pretense, any fake identities, any special efforts to prove that we are better than anyone else.

When the noise fades away, we get peace, satisfaction, self-love and a true identity. We believe in what we are – inspite of what others think about us.

If someone/something bothers you, it’s noise. Get rid of it.

Don’t choose noise. Choose peace, achievement, love and your true self.

Dreams….Focus….Reality

Having a dream is one thing…. Turning the dream into a reality is another thing.
The distance between “a dream” and “a reality” is called focus.

We all get inspired by various things or people at different points in life. However, that fire of inspiration does not stay lit inside our hearts for too long.~ Keeping that fire alive requires patience, determination, perseverance, focus and a ‘never give up’ attitude.

Watching a popular singer on TV and wanting to be like him/her is easy. ~ Practicing singing for many years, each day- each night, through sickness and health, without giving up on it –  is difficult.

So many of us, lack the ‘will and focus’ to achieve our dreams. We tend to compromise, accept, adjust to situations, as long as they are fulfilling our basic needs.

Is it so difficult to keep oneself focused?

Why do we say, some people’s talents are God-gifted? And, even if they are, does that mean god will not give any more presents to anyone else throughout his/her life?!!? Is God running short of gifts/talents?

All the people who have been able to make a mark in this world, did not do it by a fluke. They worked hard for many long years ~ It’s said that “Luck favors those who help themselves”.

Imagine, if everyone in the world had the determination to rise to his full potential, wouldn’t we have many more inventions, discoveries, creations and innovations?

Creating something gives immense satisfaction. It provides a feeling of achievement and fulfillment ~ whether the creation is a piece of art or writing or poetry or technology, a story or even a movie!

The thing that stops us from focusing on something is ‘the fear of failure’. We are scared to fail even before we begin! That’s so true for so many of us!

Whoever can conquer that fear and constantly ‘focus’ on his goals, can turn his dream into a reality.
It may not necessarily bring him a lot of money, fame or success ~ but it will provide the satisfaction that his dream has actually turned into a reality – no matter how big or small.

It will be for real! ~ Forever!

Other people will also then respect that reality and appreciate it. The appreciation may or may not matter at that point, because what will matter will be your very own reality.

Dreams-> Focus -> Reality

Life.. There’s always something left to do!

Whether it’s work, home, friends, family, children or any other aspect of your life, there is always something left to do! The house could have been cleaner, shopping could have been done last week, reading time could have been longer and work could have been more fulfilling.

There are things we could have done better and there are also things we could have done worse and it wouldn’t have mattered.

Our efforts have to directed in a way which makes most sense. Put in efforts where you are expecting maximum returns. Do not put in efforts where there are no returns.

How do we measure returns?  – Returns add value to our life. They help us grow intellectually or financially.

What is the point of investing time and efforts in an area that will not help us in any way? We may choose to do so, if we want to waste our time and efforts or maybe just for fun, but we have to understand that we will not get any returns. This also reduces the pressure and the expectation that ‘I have to get returns from this venture’.

We can only get good returns if we spend our time and energy wisely.

You can take hundreds of time management classes and seminars but the decision to take up a task or not, is very personal. The choices vary for every individual.

Something that makes sense to me, may not make sense to you at all.

We have 24 hours in a day and we only have three areas to focus on:

Home & Family
Work & Learning
Fun

Fun will not give returns but it is important to replenish our energies.

I am a perfectionist, so when I pick up a task, I really want to do it well. Sometimes, I do not move onto another task because of that first task at hand.

I read somewhere that after every hour of work, you need one minute of silence. I also read that if you work on something for half an hour and then try to shift your focus to another task and later come back to the first task, your mind gets to learn new things.

Train your mind so it can shift its focus on different things throughout the day. There will always be something left to do in every area but as long as all the areas are at par and none is neglected, a balance is maintained.

It is important to maintain balance in terms of people. Who holds most value for you and who does not? Are you spending your energies on a section of people who may not be there in your life the next week?
Are you giving maximum importance to your family?

People who help you grow intellectually or morally hold maximum value.
People, especially friends whom you meet for fun help you replenish your energies.
People who do not have any role in your life – and do not add any value to your life – should not add any worries or concerns to your life. Or rather, you should not be worried or concerned about them.

Filter your tasks and the people in your life, to make the most out of the resources at hand.

There is always something left to do and probably that’s the way life should be.

Common Good

Sometimes, I think there’s so much in common amongst people in all parts of the globe.

We all breathe, laugh, cry, sing, dance, wink, love, learn, earn, eat, blink, hope, wish, dream, talk, walk and the list goes on and on.

We all have families, friends or people who care for us. We all need support at different times in our life. We all succeed, we all fail.

We have different ways of doing things but the purpose is same. We express in different languages but the meaning is the same.

I saw a movie where a french guy falls in love with an Indian girl. They meet in an english speaking class. There are moments in the movie where the girl expresses her emotions in hindi and the guy speaks french. Yet they pretend to understand each other! It’s not practical but it’s a beautiful feeling!

I am a people person and do not hesitate talking to strangers. I think we can learn something new from everyone.When I look at a new person, I see him/her as a person and do not wonder, which country or state, he/she belongs to or what language he/she speaks or what he/she looks like.

When you judge people, do not judge them by the way they breathe, laugh, cry, sing, dance, wink, love…
In fact, do not judge them at all.

Judge yourself on a scale of humanity. That is the only valid scale in the world and the only thing, which makes other people feel happy that they are humans.

Judge how much good you are doing in this world. What will be left when you are gone. What will people remember you as.

Think of the common worldwide good – common worldwide success.

Separation….

People come….people go…
and sometimes…you don’t… even know….
Why they came…why they are gone…
Why life just goes on and on….
Why we have …unspoken words in our mind…
What is it that ..we are trying to find?
Could we have met, some other way?
What is it that you’re trying to say?
If not now, when is the right time?
Don’t repeat the same old rhyme….
Why people hurt, who gives them the right?
Why do they go out of sight?
Unclear answers, foggy life…
All we know is we are alive…
Silence plays a separation song…
Nothing’s right…nothing’s wrong.

Roles…..

I’ve read that “people play roles in our lives”. At one time, I used to strongly believe in this. Probably when I was in school or college, I believed that people played roles in my life. Somehow, I don’t believe in it now.

I feel, “we” choose who we want to have in our life and we ourselves decide the role they are going to play.

We sometimes don’t let people play the role they want to play. At other times, we even meet people who don’t essentially play any roles in our lives.

As life moves on, we are required to transition to the practical side of life. (Bills, Grocery, work , family needs, money) It becomes necessary to deal with these things. No matter how hard you try to run away from them. We lose touch with friends. Everyone moves on, doing their own chores.

How does the role play fit in our life then? Are these temporary roles? People who used to very important at one point of time, may not be so important today. How do we measure the importance of a role? Is it the number of times we talk to them, call them, miss them? Is it the effect they have on our lives? Or is it the fact that there presence is crucial to our life (At a certain point in time)

“Roles”….this word held a lot of meaning for me at one point. Today, it doesn’t.

Today, I identify with only one role. The role that I have played in my life. The paths that I have taken at various points in life. The role that I would like to play in my life in future.

I believe in God and Destiny. I don’t know if god writes our “roles” or gives us the choice to write our role ourselves. I don’t know if he checks like a movie director, “Would he/she be comfortable with the role I am giving him/her?”

Sometimes, we don’t even know what impact our role will have on other people’s lives. Its not transparent. Its hidden. The only thing we can be sure of knowing is: What role did I play in my life and how it impacted me?

Experiment with roles….give yourself the role of an artist, a teacher, a musician, a lover, a singer, a sports person, a partner, a parent, a child, a philosopher….. See which role you fit in best…and then PLAY THAT ROLE! Since you play that best, it will have maximum impact on your life and other people’s lives. That’s all you can and should identify with.

You don’t have to play every role perfectly. But try to play at least one role perfectly. All roles that you play may be small roles but they ultimately do add to the bigger picture.

Don’t worry about who/what else is impacted by your role. As long as you know you are playing the best role you can! That makes your life worth it!… That role WILL surely make you happy.